Scott [discussing trends in interior design] : Our culture…we highly prize…clean.
Carla: Yeah…it’s disgusting.
I want to get off the goal-oriented train. I’m tired. After this choral society website and learning this Bach repertoire, I need to pause and reevaluate. Actually, maybe even not that right away. Maybe just being.
I should either discontinue fasting on days when I have choral society rehearsal or eat a light dinner despite my hunger. I arrive at rehearsal ready to sing and then peter out after twenty minutes.
Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).
The exclusivist in me says that sanctification isn’t possible without an specific faith in Jesus. The inclusivist disagrees. Neither views this verse as particularly informative to his case, in part because it would have to be conclusively argued that “seeing the Lord” is coterminous with having eternal life. Nevertheless, I insist we list all these Scriptures because they have potential to inform or nuance the conclusion.
But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul (Hebrews 10:39).
Again, we’re not talking about whether eternal life is possible for someone who can’t for some reason put their faith explicitly in the real Jesus. It has to do with backsliding. Backsliders (“those who shrink back”) backslide to destruction. For some reason the author of Hebrews mentions it a lot.
No one has ever comforted me. That’s hyperbole, but seriously: How often do I cry in another’s loving arms? The ratio of tears I’ve shed by myself to tears I’ve shed in another’s arms must be 100 to 1. Maybe a 1000 to 1.
And that’s not right.
Have I ever cried in my in my mother’s arms? In my father’s arms? In a sister’s arms? No. What about in Carla’s arms? Very rarely, if ever. When I think of how I dealt with major decisions that came with regret—the decision to break things off with Val, say, or the decision to close the door to West Arête—did anyone comfort me? No: Advised me, yes, but comforted me, no. I often think when talking serious personal items with other men (usually on walks): Unlike this bloke here, I never need consolation.
But it’s not true.
The wind and snow were whipping around my house like a SNOW-NADO!
— Sullivan in his weather journal for school
It bothers me that I’m more disciplined about journaling than I am about relating to Carla. I have allocated an hour and ten minutes toward my bedtime routine. Granted, twenty minutes of that are supposed to be for relating to Carla. But still, doesn’t that seem excessive?
Carla snapped this photo of some of the progress on our windows and doors replacement project.
With Ethan, Brandon & Jordan working The Great American Outdoor Show and Mike marooned at home and thus out of the phone queue, and the window replacement work starting, I have never ended a work day so far behind in my day-to-day workload. And boy, did it cause stress. It didn’t help that Carla discovered that we’re getting less opening in these new windows than we have in our current ones.
What I must remember it’s that it’s during these times that breaks for momentary rest become very important. When work is less demanding, that’s when breaks can be full of relationships and mini-tasks. When it’s hard to keep up, that’s when my breaks need to be moments of nothingness.
I’m getting tired of my system, especially the bedtime routine.
Mommy, I love music more than chocolate chips, more than cookies, and more than princesses and beautiful ponies.
— Éa on hearing Vanhal’s Double Bass Concerto in E flat major on WPSU in the car with Carla
I enjoyed getting to know Daniel on our ride to GAOS and dinner at Passage to India. He affirmed my position in life, that is, being uncomfortably comfortable in my suburban life and waiting for a specific call from God to go and do something specific. But he also spurred me to lead with the Gospel. Don’t try to do good things in hopes they bring you an audience for the Gospel. Bring the Gospel and do good things. At the same time.
“Did it!” says Carla in a text to me from home while I’m working the Great American Outdoor Show for DiamondBack.
After grilled cheese dinner at Potters' house, Carla and I did a half-an-hour of P90X yoga and then reflected together in the living room on maturity in young people, how the kids are growing, Sullivan especially in gratitude, and how remarkable it is for us to be raising children with whom we are well- and happily connected.
Song of the day: “Fire of Time” by David Ramirez, aka the Ethan is Back song, recommended to me by him and I can hear why
We grow more and more into our place. Carla has more and more connections, and is deepening many of her local relationships, especially with our neighbor “two doors down” Kristen, although Carla sorely misses Sarah all those long eight driving miles away. Carla even connected with Mary at the township building today over the Oxford comma while proofreading some ordinance change text. We had our fifth Houserville Social Club gathering at our house with the Harts and the Sauders (who are pregnant). And it was easy, even with the Harts who we haven’t seen in months. After all that talk about a destination party, we just booked five rustic cabins at Black Moshannon State Park to celebrate our anniversary with friends in August.
It feels very good to notice more depth of here-ness, presence in our little town.
Song of the day: “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone
The most significant thing to occur in my life today besides continued (2 in a row!) lack of meltdown at singing lessons with Norman Spivey is the very pleasant date time I spent with Éa. All we did was sign her up for gymnastics classes on my computer and then dance and rock on the rocking chair together, mostly to Elvis’ debut album (because she learned yesterday to do the lip curl thing). But that’s all we needed to do. We genuinely enjoy one another.
Song of the day: “Blue Moon“ by Elvis Presley
What does Mark 4:24-25 mean?
Working at DiamondBack since the migration of our CRM and order entry to Salesforce has felt unfriendlier and lonelier. And you know what? I think it has everything to do with abandoning our old friend, the Intranet.
And it really is like leaving an old friend. Gone is our distressed concrete background. We’re disoriented, and as for me, grumpy about it. The primary, interface for livelihood since the birth of the company has just changed to something that doesn’t even have a name, something broader, plainer, and frankly, daunting.
We’ll learn and customize Salesforce. But it’s natural to be grumpy about a change like this and nostalgic about what we had. (About software?)
Song of the day: “Walking Lightly” by Junip
One of the most exquisitely illustrated books I’ve ever read. With charming characters, to boot!
I used to be Calvin’s dad. (The emphasis on “used to” is a hopeful one.) I wonder what Carla would say.
“Mom, when does outside be called nowhere?”
– Éa
Wow, Wikipaintings.org! The children spent about an hour on top of the piano viewing photos of paintings and sculptures, including probably one too many nudes. It was prompted by our playing with Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head reminding me of Picasso.
But wow, Wikipaintings!
Carla and I failed to find Abel Gance’s Napoléon for gratis streaming online, so we talked on the loveseat about same-sex marriage, our church, the knowledge of good and evil and whether, and Psalm 91. We enjoy one another’s company and thoughts and genuinely admire one another. (Carla cleaned up dried sewage from our basement floor this afternoon.) As I sat down the kitchen table to close the day with a journal entry, we had the following nigh-Familypants-worthy exchange:
Carla: I like Josh Ambrose. Scott: He’s always playing the educated agnostic. Carla: I like that. Scott: That’s because you’re an educated agnostic.
Carla and I are both very happy today.
We’re in the groove, so to speak. I remained calm and focused the entire day at work. She enjoyed a lunch date at Panera with Éa during which she heard several other OCC moms complaining that they’re lonely and without close friends, which caused her to reflect that she is full of friends. I enjoyed a brisk walk in polar temperatures to and from lunch at Ethan’s house for forty-five minutes of conversation with the single friend of mine who is closest in outlook and makeup to me. Éa and I enjoyed me dancing with her in my arms during “25 or 6 to 4” and “Tusk.” Carla volunteered to clean up the sewage solids from the basement floor tomorrow morning.
About the worst thing you can say about today is that we finished up the coffee banana chocolate chip scones.
I could go on and on. O God, that we be very grateful.