Scott Stilson

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Here is the tidbit I think I’ll take home with from tonight’s Christmas-themed cabaret: Where should I point my eyes? Pick a point on the back wall about eye level—and sing to it and it only. It is a mistake to watch the audience, because then you tune in to their reactions or lack thereof and start to worry. Don’t be afraid to be an island within yourself, because they’ll enjoy watching it more if I just act.

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I am grateful for Sullivan’s ingenuity, which he displayed in rare simplicity yesterday when I decided—the sagacious father that I am—to ask him how he would secure to the roof the one length of droopy Christmas lights. He asked, simply, “Dad, what is our roof made out of?” “Steel,” I replied. “Oh! Just use some of our magnetic clips from the refrigerator!” Later that day, I did. And it worked well.

I am also thankful for Carla’s helpfulness, which she displayed when she wrapped the books I plan to give to Aniyah and Axton for Christmas without me asking her to do it. When someone swoops down to do something from my to-do list without me having to prompt it, it is very loving to me.

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“I do not want to merely be called a Christian, but to actually be one.”

—St. Ignatius, as quoted by Stephen Crosby

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You want to know something amazing? Doubting God has made more room in my mind for me to actually follow Jesus. Like, with my actions. I come from a tradition that doesn’t emphasize that.

And I am part of the body of Christ. If someone needs empathy, help, listening ear, money, websites, whatever—if there is a need, let me fill it. I am His hands. (Cue St. Francis prayer.) Jesus doesn’t usually ride in on the clouds and save the day that way. He saves the day through us.

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Today I am grateful for Richard Biever, who works an awful lot under the auspices of his proprietorship FUSE Productions to bring the joys of taking in—and participating in—high-quality theatre to State College. I visited his house midday today to run through “O Holy Night” and suggest that I also sing “The Restroom Door Said Gentleman.”

I am also grateful for Carla, who continues to apply herself assiduously to making a happy Christmas for everyone in her social circle. Unfortunately, she said on our midday drive to HobbyTown USA today that she feels like she is losing God through it all.

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Maybe Paul tells us to pray without ceasing because without prayer, it’s hard to believe in God. That’s my experience, anyway.

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Since I have decided to concentrate my life so locally, my locality matters. It’s Houserville for now, but I can envision wanting to live in a neighborhood that isn’t in a place that’s already called ‘Happy Valley.’

I got chills thinking that while driving to Giant this evening on my way to buying a pink hedgehog Beanie Baby for Éa and a big-eyed monkey Beanie Baby for James.

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Don’t worry about the obvious physicality—and thus susceptibility to brain damage—of the mind, and therefore the self. God, the one who created everything from nothing, can surely un-disease those who have sustained brain damage.

I found great relief on this question as I started my evening walk by asking myself two questions:

  1. How do we humans take care of the brain-damaged among us? (We care for them and, as much as is in our power, we try to reverse the effects of the brain damage. God will do the same thing in the life to come.)
  2. Is there any kind of brain damage, disorder, impairment that we don’t think of as being just that: damage, disorder, or impairment? (No.)
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A conversation discusses Greg Boyd referencing quantum physics to build an argument, with one participant questioning if he's overreaching

I am grateful today for a son who grows in maturity and relatability. It was my honor to bring him to Panera this evening to share in a cherry pastry with him. We agreed it’d be good to learn computer programming together as father and son. I set a reminder for myself to look into the best, most child-friendly among the free starter courses that are cropping up seemingly everywhere online these days. We also played chess with a Super Mario set that Schlow Library had on hand.

I am grateful today for the evening of dress-up, make-up, dancing, and bathing together that Carla tells me she and Éa shared. I am glad they got to enjoy one another.

I am grateful for Greg Boyd, whose God at War Travis is reading at my recommendation while I re-read Satan and the Problem of Evil. Travis texted me this evening to chat briefly about how much he enjoyed Boyd’s use of quantum theory in the opening pages.

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I am grateful for our good friends the Potters, with whom we shared a dinner and an evening today. (I told Josh about my pollo-pesce-venatarian tonight.) I am grateful for our good friends the Rookes, the Matt of which I raced and competed on pull-ups with today. I am grateful for the rest of our good friends at church, with whom we shared a park walk today. I am grateful for our good friends the Wendles, who gave us two deer worth of meat today after we butchered them.

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I am grateful for the loving effort Carla is putting forth these past few days into making Christmas cheery for us all by overcoming her distaste for shopping and spending the better part of today and yesterday shopping. We had decided after last Christmas that we would do 100% of our Christmas shopping locally. We probably won’t end up doing 100%, but the decision does mean Carla has been all over town: Jo-Ann Fabrics, Goodwill, Ross, and Target, to name a few.

I am grateful for our tenant Apoo’s eagerness to share Indian dishes with us. We had her, her husband Vijay, and her father Raju up for dinner this evening so we could meet her father. We shared garden vegetable quiche; she shared chicken biryani. Carla and I overate because everything was so tasty.

I am grateful for the culturally show of fatherly tenderness Raju made by touching Éa’s face when she caught her hand in the globe while fighting Sullivan over it. Perhaps it is purely cultural and doesn’t carry the same meaning in...

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A makeshift standing desk setup is placed on a wooden table in a basement, featuring a laptop, a monitor, and various desk accessories.

Brandon and I swapped photos of our standing desks today.

You may laugh that I write about my standing desk so much. But my body—and I hope Brandon’s back—will be much healthier because of this switch.

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“Where God closes His holy mouth, I will desist from inquiry.”

— John Calvin

Now there’s a thought.

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Hanging out with people is the only way to save the poor in spirit. Do I remember the two wall-to-wall days I spent with Uncle Chris? What a joy, and it touched his soul. It’s the only way—at least, the only way conceivable for me—for people like him and César to make their way out of moral and circumstantial poverty. But what am I to do? If I were a single man, I think I’d keep my job at DiamondBack and take it with me as I went on medium-term mission trips to live with César in Callao and with anyone I met who was a pariah, and I would hang out with them.

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My journal app’s daily prompt is prompting me to describe my cooking skills. I can:

Grilling is something I know the movements for but have no deep knowledge of (so don’t ask me to grill your chicken).

Baking is a foreign land. I leave exploring it to Carla.

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I’m sorry, posterity. I feel no urge to journal these days. And that’s despite many interesting things happening these days, including:

By 10:15 at night, I find little interest or strength for journaling.

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I have spent thought and lament the past several evenings trying to understand what exactly Jesus accomplished by dying on the Cross and, more acutely, how He accomplished it. And as if prompted by my worries, one of my favorite bloggers wrote a piece called, “Why Did Jesus Have to Die?” In it he provides the most comprehensive list of understandings of the Atonement I’ve ever seen in one place before.

And none of them are striking to me as it.

Still, there’s enough there to go on, I guess. And more important, I believe Jesus is the promised Jewish Messiah and the living lord of all. And I am going to follow Him.

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Calvin and Hobbes discuss how conversations often focus on TV and movies rather than real-life interactions, leading to Calvin lamenting about not having a TV in his room.

This is how I feel.

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Here is a list of things from today that were gratifying, and which, therefore, because by some strange extension You are the giver of all good things, I thank You, God:

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I am a flexitarian, or a reducetarian, or a pollo-pescetarian. But I also think I’ll keep hunting deer.

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A person is standing on a wooden platform high above a forest floor covered in brown leaves, next to a tree.

Quick brainstorm of everything that I enjoyed about today:

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Doubt baby review:

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I think we could resolve some problems if we simply renamed the secular holiday, so that there’s the Christian holiday, “Christmas,” and the secular, gift-giving holiday, “Festivus”.

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If, when I’m old, you were to ask me to tell you one thing about my life as it was today, I predict I’d tell you that today I worked on DiamondBack’s new website from the living room of the house of Carla’s Aunt Laurel (actually her cousin once removed). I made my own tea and found some penne and pasta sauce that I made for myself for lunch. It was pleasant.

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Scott: Are any of my accents good?
Éa: Well, I don’t like them, so I don’t know.