(a phone call while Carla, Éa, and Scott are away for the weekend soccer tournament):
Carla: Hi, Honey! What’s up?
Sullivan, 16: Hi, Mom. Where’s the alcohol?
Scott: Hey, no pointing. It makes me nervous.
Sullivan: I wasn’t pointing. I was air-rubbing your teeth.
Sullivan said yesterday that every conversation with me feels like an argument. That’s the sort of comment that prompts change in me, I hope!
“Since all his visits were beneficial, his step or holler through a doorway got a bright welcome“ (Toni Morrison, of her character Stamp Paid in Beloved).
I’m very rarely Stamp Paid with Sullivan. I need to change.
Carla: Except for Sully. He’s from Venus.
Sullivan: Are you saying beautiful and normally portrayed to non-school groups as naked?
For Christmas, can I have socks? Like, thirty socks. And wrap them all in cash.
— Sullivan
I somehow sneezed up my shorts!
— Sullivan
The nice thing about an airship is that you don’t need a garage.
— Sullivan
You know, whoever came up with the term ‘dad jokes’ has clearly never met my mother.
— Sullivan
Man, that piccolo really makes your biceps pop!
— Sullivan
Oh, that? That’s just smooth jazz. Nothing to worry about.
— Sullivan, replying to an inquiry over his headset while playing Minecraft one night
My new motto is: “Live every day like it’s your last.” And no, that does not mean find a hospital, go there, find a room and lay down, eyes twitching…
— Sullivan
The problem with being an adolescent is that when you go to rub your beard, you end up pinching yourself.
— Sullivan
Éa: What’s a placenta?
Sullivan: What!? You don’t know what a placenta is? Mom, we have failed.
[overheard while Sullivan and Éa build a precarious fort]:
Éa: Sully, did you just swear!?
Sullivan: What!? No!
Éa: No really, Sully, did you say the S word?
Sullivan: No! Only Mom does that!
Today, watching a fan while I was supposed to listening in math class, I figured out how servo motors work.
— Sullivan
**Sullivan: **Yeah, even Mimi’s inflatable balls are giant!
[LAUGHTER]
Put that on Familypants, Dad!
Scott: I’m not sure that I will…
If I’m ever going to become a successful scientist, I’m going to need less hair.
— Sullivan
Sullivan: Mom, come look at my parfait!
Carla: Oh, cute! It’s like a happy face.
Sullivan: Well, I was trying to make it look like a icosahedron.
You’re more helpful than a rabid dog!
— Sullivan, thanking a friend who was helping clean up
I feel better dancing when I’m on a precarious rock wall.
— Sullivan, explaining why he was dancing all by himself on a rock wall outside the tent at Megan’s wedding
One thing that pleases me—well, two: First, Mommy and Daddy snuggles. And second, rock dust on my hands.
— Sullivan
I’m ashamed to say this for my gender, but men sweat 40% more than women.
— Sullivan, responding to Lucy after she pointed out a sweaty jogger while they both rode in the car to her house
My favorite thing is to make that piano reveberate [sic] like an explosive bāss violin.
— Sullivan, pronouncing “bass” like the fish, explaining what he loves about playing his new instrument
Hey, Mom, I don’t know what would be worse: getting punched on the back of your head and falling on your face, or getting punched in the face and falling on the back of your head.
— Sullivan, breaking several minutes of in-car silence at 10 PM on a road trip to Pittsburgh