Carla: Oof, Sully’s YouTube video made me nauseated. Is that a thing? Can a YouTube video make you nauseated?
Scott: Carla, anything can make you nauseated.
“I just don’t picture myself as a secretary.”
— Carla, substitutes and budget secretary at Delta, to Heather, other secretary at Delta, standing in the Delta office considering a recent College Township job opening for a secretary
You’re saying I should give in to the vernacular?
— Scott
Worse comes to worst, I can go bush hopping: where I live in a bush and when that gets compromised, I hop to the next one. I have four in mind. Though it might be hard to get to the third.
— Éa, discussing the state of politics at the dinner table
Wait, is that a rule? We’re not allowed to have telepathic antecedents?
— Éa, in response to a gentle scold from Scott about a conversation he couldn’t follow
(a phone call while Carla, Éa, and Scott are away for the weekend soccer tournament):
Carla: Hi, Honey! What’s up?
Sullivan, 16: Hi, Mom. Where’s the alcohol?
All my good jeans are inherited.
— Éa
Scott: Hey, no pointing. It makes me nervous.
Sullivan: I wasn’t pointing. I was air-rubbing your teeth.
Carla: There’s a book I wanna read.
Éa: Me, too. But I finished it.
You said it was a long-term plan. So why start now?
— Éa
While reading the Cheerios box, Sullivan stops and says, “Mom, what’s cancer?” Carla replies that it’s a sickness that kills a lot of people and that Cheerios is trying to raise money to help fund research to find a cure. In turn, Sullivan says, “Yeah, because pink doesn’t really work, right?” Confused, Carla asks, “What?” Sullivan replies slyly as if telling her something that only a few select people know, “Liiiike, people wear those pink shoes and gloves…but it doesn’t really cure their cancer.”
Carla: Except for Sully. He’s from Venus.
Sullivan: Are you saying beautiful and normally portrayed to non-school groups as naked?
For Christmas, can I have socks? Like, thirty socks. And wrap them all in cash.
— Sullivan
I somehow sneezed up my shorts!
— Sullivan
Oh, that’s just dirt from earlier.
— Éa, coughing
Scott: What needs to happen for a bill to become law?
Éa: Oh, I know! The bill needs to sing a song! 🎵
The nice thing about an airship is that you don’t need a garage.
— Sullivan
I double down when I’m wrong? Wait. When am I ever wrong?
— Éa
You know, whoever came up with the term ‘dad jokes’ has clearly never met my mother.
— Sullivan
Éa: You’re very good at putting buns in. But you’re not very good at sleeping in them.
Carla: Build me up and tear me down! Build me up and tear me down!
Éa: At least you’re even!
I have been undisciplined about having fun the past couple days.
— Scott, rubbing his eyes
Man, that piccolo really makes your biceps pop!
— Sullivan
You’re very American right now. I mean in a good way. Not in an overweight way.
— Éa, replying to Carla, who had just told Éa her outfit was very Swedish
Oh, that? That’s just smooth jazz. Nothing to worry about.
— Sullivan, replying to an inquiry over his headset while playing Minecraft one night
Scott: You can’t touch my face. I’m in quarantine.
Carla: Well, I can punch your face!