It’s exult in our tribulations, not despite them (Romans 5:3). There’s a big difference. And it can, I think, make or break your faith.

“Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed” (Jesus, as reported in John 20:29).

I’ve always taken this saying of Jesus, along with several other beatitudes, as being some kind of moral judgment, in this case, that folks who trust Jesus without having to see Him are better people than those who need to see Him to believe. But that’s not what He is saying: Instead, it’s that the more credulous among us are happier, to be envied, as the Amplified Bible puts it. It’s true: If I didn’t feel impelled to study and intellectualize and apologize God, I’d be a much happier man.

I worry some my wanting to be the answers to my own prayers rather than merely praying them will be one of those revelations that doesn’t stick because I don’t implement it fast enough. But God, let it not be so. And it seemed to me to be the Holy Spirit who just said to me, “Hook your well-established system of doing it or queueing it to the impulses that come to you as you massage this new mindset into yourself.”

Current interpretation of the bits in James 1 and Romans 5 about persevering through trials: Perseverance through trials, even those that come in the form of intellectual challenges to the faith, breeds perseverance.

A locus of my anxiety about my religious doubt is my children. I have previously been so sure of God that I never worried about passing my faith on to them; I had what was in my mind a 100% sure platform on which to stand and call to them to join me. The thought of not being able to pass on to them something I know is true makes my stomach drop.

Doubt has humbled me and made more sympathetic. I could also swear it has made me more patient and loving with my family.

I’m tired of just praying. I want to be the answer to the prayers, especially the prayers for people, that I’m praying.

That means more phone calls, more letters, an earnest attempt to seek out the Maldives, etc.

They remastered Aqualung in 2011, and somehow I missed it. Now, if only Ian Anderson had been less crotchety about God and religion.

I should take my commitment to eschew multitasking further: Instead of filling all the short periods of waiting that come frequently at work with some other task, take advantage of them to return to awareness of and communication with God.

Acts 26:8 is a phrase that contains the heart of the problems of using a Bayesian probability approach to the question of the Resurrection: “Why is it considered incredible among you people if God does raise the dead?” In other words, if you’re a theist, it isn’t that hard to believe in a resurrection. If you’re an atheist, then yes, obviously, it’s, um, unlikely, to say the least.

In the Clover Highlands during my prayer-walk today, I came away with this: The people in front of you at any given moment are the most interesting, fascinating people in the world. Certainly more interesting than myself. Act—and listen—accordingly.

self:

Exactly one year ago today, I have down in my journal that you told me in a videochat that you were wanting a supernatural experience to help you firmly believe that Jesus is alive. I share that desire. Any luck? I’m reading a book on the subject you might find interesting.

friend:

An interesting question. If I’m honest, no, that hasn’t happened yet. I do, however, feel a bit less inner conflict between my desire for rational truth about the way the universe works and my faith, or culture, or whatever it is. Maybe I’m becoming more content with my inner discontent. Maybe I do have a relationship with God. We’re working it out.

For whatever it’s worth I’m meandering my way through Richard Rohr’s Everything Belongs and think it’s pretty interesting. One of the appealing aspects of modern Catholic thought is that they reconcile faith and thinking as a dualism rather than a battle. His book sometimes feels a little close to the edge of my tolerance for meaningless easternisms, but it’s worth the read.

How are you?

self:

Historically, God’s hiddenness has been a source of laughter between Him and me. Only very recently has it become an occasional source of doubt and discontent. But I remain convinced that He has largely hidden Himself on purpose. I’m still sussing out His reasons…something to do with developing people and having them be the ones to give revelation, help, and prayer answering. Even in the New Testament, encounters with God were almost all mediated. There must be something to it.

I pray we all work this Relationship out.

Faith and thinking have always gone hand in hand for me. I’ve never understood the battle. May it end.

I’ll add the Rohr book to my functionally infinite list of books to read.

As for me, other than the novel experience of doubt—which, oddly enough, came because of some reading I’m doing as part of an exploratory, evangelistic effort with a good friend—life is as peachy as can be.

Missed you at our anniversary party!

Yes, somewhere, somehow—and I pray it get deeper—I rejoice in sufferings, including recent doubts, and I lament my good fortune.

But trials bring about perseverance? That is a reversal of common sense.

I took an impromptu break from work late morning today to cuddle with Carla and tell her about the occasional pit in my stomach I’ve been feeling when ruminating on my doubts and when approaching the kids, or really about being wrong about anything. It was reassuring just to talk with her about it, to relate my fears and doubts to someone, and to hear in myself a commitment to endure in Christ-ward faith.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4).

and

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls (1 Peter 1:3-9).

Hardship appears to be what New Testament writers have in mind when they talk about trials, tribulations, and endurance. But what about doubt in the face of rational critique? Could that count? Should I, easy-life white man, take these verses and those like it as my own?

Also, the Bible writers have this strange idea that trials bring perseverance rather than challenging it.

Has prayer for relief from suffering for oneself ever been answered? I ask because I find it curious that all the testimonies of healings that I’ve heard all feature one person praying for another.

God could have just announced the gospel of Jesus Christ to the Gentile Himself, but He didn’t. But he commissioned Paul instead. Why?

Doubt makes me want to puke.

God, You must decide not to answer some prayer, and it must be for a good reason. I can’t believe that You are so weak as to be thwarted in such a simple prayer as “God, please help me fall asleep,” or “God, please keep the bad dreams away,” or so mean as to callously turn a deaf ear to such a request. You decide to withhold for a reason. I think this happens more than the open theists allow. They overemphasize the success of those who thwart You.

I have recently decided to protest the apparently common atheist assertion that praying people pray only for those things that might happen without divine intervention anyway by praying for things I know God wants but that would also be impossible without Him.

You could see distress primarily as an obstacle to faith. But it might be more useful to see it as a means of grace.

Even better, you could see distress as an opportunity to help.

With “40 (How Long),” U2 beat IHOPKC to harp & bowl by fifteen years.

Walking is one of my favorite activities. That means this afternoon made my happy: I not only got to walk the sheep pastures with God and sing snippets of Delirious? numbers to Him, but also got to walk from Sunset Park to Pattee Library to Rec Hall and back—about one mile each way—with Sullivan and Éa, who enjoyed seeing the sights and climbing things as much as I enjoyed watching them enjoy them.

Today, Richard Beck combined two of my favorite things: ecclesiology and Calvin & Hobbes.

Death doesn’t mean the same thing to God as it does to us. That’ll help your theodicy.

An unfinished verse about the problem of divine hiddenness

O, invisible God, whom I cannot see,
Please, please reveal Yourself to me.
I don’t understand what you gain by hiding,
Blah-biddy blah, biddy-blah biddy fighting.
But I know You are love, if you are anything all,
Blah-biddy blah, biddy-blah biddy fall. ✏️ 🎤 🎵