Pretty much everything written in this book about adolescents could be written about any of us (except the course of development stuff and the added intensity and volatility it brings).

I take it that it is normal for an adolescent to behave for a considerable length of time in an inconsistent and unpredictable manner; to fight his impulses and to accept them… to love his parents and to hate them … to revolt against them and be dependent on them … to be more idealistic, artistic, generous, and unselfish than he will ever be again, but also the opposite: self-centered, egoistic, calculating. Such fluctuations between extreme opposites would be deemed highly abnormal at any other time of life. At this time they signify no more than that an adult structure of personality takes a long time to emerge.

Anna Freud is quoted as saying the above in 1958 in the front matters. It is good to keep in mind.

Perhaps most important, this book will ditch the dangerous view that adolescents are mentally healthy only when they can sustain a sense of feeling good. In its place, we’ll get to know a truly useful and psychologically accurate definition of emotional health: having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those feelings effectively (xxiv).

The above is the main point of the book. And a good one not only for adolescents, but for all people. A good corrective to some of what you hear out there, and a good corrective to how I think sometimes (although I never put it in the exact term “mental health” but rather in my constant quest for happiness).

First and foremost, we want our teenagers to regard their feelings in this important way: as data. Whether painful or pleasant, emotions are fundamentally informational. They bubble up as we move through our days, delivering meaningful feedback. Our emotions give us status reports on our lives and can help guide decision making (10).

Love the above.

Emotional pain promotes maturation Feeling the emotional impact of difficult experiences helps us to grow up (17)

Ethan? Paging Ethan? She wrote that one having heard it from you.

People stop maturing at the point when they start abusing substances…when substances come into the mix…maturation halts. Whatever else can be said about drugs and alcohol, they are very good at blocking emotional pain, and therefore the maturation that comes with it. (17)

Handy to keep in mind when interacting with anyone.

Remaining calm when teenagers become undone communicates the critical point that we are not frightened by their acute discomfort, and so they don’t need to be frightened by it either (20).

More good advice above! Read it again!

“I can tell you from both the research and my own clinical experience that emotional intensity actually peaks around age thirteen or fourteen and then slowly tapers down from there” (78).

Got it.

As for effective apologies, researchers have found that they include six components: explicitly saying that you are sorry, offering an explanation, acknowledging responsibility, promising not to repeat the mistake, trying to make amends, and requesting forgiveness.

Memorize the above! SERPAF is a good mnemonic.

[S]leep is the glue that holds human beings together (160).

Hear ye, hear ye!