If you asked me in my old age to tell you one thing about my life as it was today, I’d tell you today was a day I realized that I’m not entirely pleased with the way I was governing my life. What I mean to say is that over the preceding few years the combination of Carla’s resistance to routinizing our relationship and my proclivity toward systems and routine has resulted in predictably relationship-free evenings: Carla curls up on the couch with her computer to watch a show, browse Facebook, and record the days, and I pursue my own agenda, usually on my computer as well.
(I speak in hyperbole that Carla would object to.)
What I was missing was a mindfulness of You that allowed me to transcend both my reliance on systems and enter sympathy, relatability, good listening, peace, and love. I resolved that day to, by God’s grace, no longer proceed through life with blinders on for getting things done, but to think of others, to enter into their skin, to respond lovingly, to allow room in my attention for impulses that are unrelated to accomplishment.