[upon realizing that her formerly farsighted right eye is no longer farsighted]
Am I going to get a monocle!?
— Éa, happily
Ooh, I know the website! It starts with ‘hit tips,’ ends with ‘dot com,’ and…something in the middle, but I forget.
— Éa
Carla: [Saint] Paul totally bonked. He was a-bonkin!
Scott: Paul wasn’t bonking.
Carla: C’mon. You know he was bonking!
Scott: You are the strangest Christian wife I could have acquired.
My new motto in life is: If it’s not worth doing for free, it’s not worth doing!
— Carla, to Frank
Ugh! I have so many things to think about, but my thinker isn’t big enough!
— Éa
Shots don’t scare me. I could poke needles into my skin all day if it didn’t hurt.
— Éa
My new motto is: “Live every day like it’s your last.” And no, that does not mean find a hospital, go there, find a room and lay down, eyes twitching…
— Sullivan
The problem with being an adolescent is that when you go to rub your beard, you end up pinching yourself.
— Sullivan
“Littering fine”? They think littering’s fine?
— Éa
Éa: What’s a placenta?
Sullivan: What!? You don’t know what a placenta is? Mom, we have failed.
Carla: Why can’t I be a ten-year-old boy? I’ve always wanted to dress like a ten-year-old boy!
Scott: You often do.
[overheard while Sullivan and Éa build a precarious fort]:
Éa: Sully, did you just swear!?
Sullivan: What!? No!
Éa: No really, Sully, did you say the S word?
Sullivan: No! Only Mom does that!
And then I wrapped my ankle brace around my uterus.
— Carla
Carla: Scott, you’re not perfect.
Scott: I know. But I’m trying!
Today, watching a fan while I was supposed to listening in math class, I figured out how servo motors work.
— Sullivan
My feelings aren’t the most articulate bunch of neuronal events.
— Scott
Éa [doing math]: Mom, is two minus six plus ten six?
Carla: Umm…wait a minute…
Éa: Also known as twelve minus six equals six.
Scott: Umm…wait…
Scott: Sometimes I wish I were the smaller one.
Carla: Why, so you could beat me up?
Carla, after a long evening trimming the hedges: Whew, that was a lot of work. Éa, when you grow up, do you want to be the man of the house?
Éa, matter of factly: I hope so.
Oh my gosh. Jesus.
— Carla
“It’s disturbing how many people bring knives on dates.”
— Sullivan, reflecting on romantic carvings in the wooden observatory deck on the Bog Trail at Black Moshannon
“I also have some lead. I want to mail it to my Aunt Joanna in California and see how she reacts.”
— Sullivan, showing off his elements collection
Sullivan: Mom, can you snuggle me?
Carla: I already snuggled you.
Sullivan: But that one didn’t take.
Mom, why is mama’s milk discontinued?
— Éa
“Emotional support feels terrible.”
— Carla