familypants on Scott Stilson

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 17:20:28 -0500

In a discussion of life values in our automobile-centric country, Éa asserted she doesn’t ever want a car and just wants to bike everywhere. But then, she realized this: “But I guess if I don’t ever get a car and I just bike everywhere, I’m not part of the solution; I’m just not part of the problem. So what I need to do…is get a bus!”

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 21:37:00 -0500

Carla: What is going on here?
Sully: What? Oh, film development and a root beer float.

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 20:44:00 -0500

Carla: Sully, like, is stoicism.
Sully: I think I’m more absurdism.

Fri, 26 Dec 2025 08:34:33 -0500

It’s part of the routine, now, Éa. I haven’t missed a wibble wibble in a week!

— me

Fri, 05 Dec 2025 21:45:00 -0500

Carla: Sully, aren’t you going to the sleepover?
Sully: Yeah. Ha! I got sidetracked.

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 18:30:00 -0500

Carla: I didn’t know I was going to have to put Mr. Yuk on a candle!
Éa: It’s not my fault. You had delicious-looking candles!

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 08:30:00 -0500

“It’s not so much a battle of the sexes as it is a mutual aid society.”

— me, to Carla, about complementing one another and having learned to live together well

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 17:21:56 -0500

“I need either talked into or out of purchasing a drill press.“

— Sully, in a text to his mom

Thu, 10 Apr 2025 06:48:34 -0500

“I mean, you can’t just be a wimp and call yourself a pacifist.”

— Carla

Sat, 22 Mar 2025 05:53:55 -0500

Scott [handling small bottle near Sully’s backpack]: What’s this?
Sully: Oh, that’s my backup soy sauce. It comes in handy more than you think.
Scott: I’m kind proud of you, actually.

Wed, 13 Nov 2024 20:21:06 -0500

Carla: Oof, Sully’s YouTube video made me nauseated. Is that a thing? Can a YouTube video make you nauseated?
Scott: Carla, anything can make you nauseated.

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 13:00:00 -0500

“I just don’t picture myself as a secretary.”

— Carla, substitutes and budget secretary at Delta, to Heather, other secretary at Delta, standing in the Delta office considering a recent College Township job opening for a secretary

Mon, 19 Aug 2024 08:39:02 -0400

You’re saying I should give in to the vernacular?

— Scott

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 19:00:00 -0400

Worse comes to worst, I can go bush hopping: where I live in a bush and when that gets compromised, I hop to the next one. I have four in mind. Though it might be hard to get to the third.

— Éa, discussing the state of politics at the dinner table

Sat, 06 Jul 2024 19:52:19 -0400

Wait, is that a rule? We’re not allowed to have telepathic antecedents?

— Éa, in response to a gentle scold from Scott about a conversation he couldn’t follow

Sat, 08 Jun 2024 12:41:00 -0400

(a phone call while Carla, Éa, and Scott are away for the weekend soccer tournament):

Carla: Hi, Honey! What’s up?
Sullivan, 16: Hi, Mom. Where’s the alcohol?

Sun, 02 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0400

All my good jeans are inherited.

— Éa

Mon, 20 May 2024 15:48:00 -0400

Scott: Hey, no pointing. It makes me nervous.
Sullivan: I wasn’t pointing. I was air-rubbing your teeth.

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 08:10:00 -0400

Carla: There’s a book I wanna read.
Éa: Me, too. But I finished it.

Sun, 06 Aug 2023 19:52:00 -0400

You said it was a long-term plan. So why start now?

— Éa

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 07:42:00 -0400

Carla: Except for Sully. He’s from Venus.
Sullivan: Are you saying beautiful and normally portrayed to non-school groups as naked?

Mon, 05 Sep 2022 20:13:00 -0400

For Christmas, can I have socks? Like, thirty socks. And wrap them all in cash.

— Sullivan

Sun, 19 Jun 2022 10:47:00 -0400

I somehow sneezed up my shorts!

— Sullivan

Sat, 28 May 2022 11:24:00 -0400

Oh, that’s just dirt from earlier.

— Éa, coughing

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 08:04:00 -0400

Scott: What needs to happen for a bill to become law?
Éa: Oh, I know! The bill needs to sing a song! 🎵

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 17:14:00 -0400

The nice thing about an airship is that you don’t need a garage.

— Sullivan

Mon, 05 Apr 2021 08:08:00 -0400

I double down when I’m wrong? Wait. When am I ever wrong?

— Éa

Fri, 05 Feb 2021 08:14:00 -0400

You know, whoever came up with the term ‘dad jokes’ has clearly never met my mother.

— Sullivan

Fri, 30 Oct 2020 17:56:00 -0400

Éa: You’re very good at putting buns in. But you’re not very good at sleeping in them.
Carla: Build me up and tear me down! Build me up and tear me down!
Éa: At least you’re even!

Fri, 30 Oct 2020 17:52:00 -0400

I have been undisciplined about having fun the past couple days.

— Scott, rubbing his eyes

Sun, 18 Oct 2020 13:29:00 -0400

Man, that piccolo really makes your biceps pop!

— Sullivan

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 10:38:00 -0400

You’re very American right now. I mean in a good way. Not in an overweight way.

— Éa, replying to Carla, who had just told Éa her outfit was very Swedish

Tue, 11 Aug 2020 17:53:00 -0400

Oh, that? That’s just smooth jazz. Nothing to worry about.

— Sullivan, replying to an inquiry over his headset while playing Minecraft one night

Tue, 11 Aug 2020 17:52:00 -0400

Scott: You can’t touch my face. I’m in quarantine.
Carla: Well, I can punch your face!

Fri, 27 Mar 2020 13:11:00 -0400

[upon realizing that her formerly farsighted right eye is no longer farsighted]

Am I going to get a monocle!?

— Éa, happily

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 21:45:00 -0400

Ooh, I know the website! It starts with ‘hit tips,’ ends with ‘dot com,’ and…something in the middle, but I forget.

— Éa

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 08:23:00 -0400

Carla: [Saint] Paul totally bonked. He was a-bonkin!
Scott: Paul wasn’t bonking.
Carla: C’mon. You know he was bonking!
Scott: You are the strangest Christian wife I could have acquired.

Mon, 12 Aug 2019 22:54:00 -0400

My new motto in life is: If it’s not worth doing for free, it’s not worth doing!

— Carla, to Frank

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 11:01:00 -0400

Ugh! I have so many things to think about, but my thinker isn’t big enough!

— Éa

Fri, 26 Apr 2019 10:27:00 -0400

Shots don’t scare me. I could poke needles into my skin all day if it didn’t hurt.

— Éa

Sun, 13 Jan 2019 07:28:00 -0400

My new motto is: “Live every day like it’s your last.” And no, that does not mean find a hospital, go there, find a room and lay down, eyes twitching…

— Sullivan

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 20:00:00 -0400

The problem with being an adolescent is that when you go to rub your beard, you end up pinching yourself.

— Sullivan

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 17:00:00 -0400

“Littering fine”? They think littering’s fine?

— Éa

Sat, 24 Nov 2018 09:52:00 -0400

Éa: What’s a placenta?
Sullivan: What!? You don’t know what a placenta is? Mom, we have failed.

Sat, 10 Nov 2018 11:01:00 -0400

Carla: Why can’t I be a ten-year-old boy? I’ve always wanted to dress like a ten-year-old boy!
Scott: You often do.

Mon, 15 Oct 2018 19:58:00 -0400

[overheard while Sullivan and Éa build a precarious fort]:

Éa: Sully, did you just swear!?
Sullivan: What!? No!
Éa: No really, Sully, did you say the S word?
Sullivan: No! Only Mom does that!

Wed, 10 Oct 2018 13:54:00 -0400

And then I wrapped my ankle brace around my uterus.

— Carla

Sat, 22 Sep 2018 21:15:00 -0400

Carla: Scott, you’re not perfect.
Scott: I know. But I’m trying!

Tue, 18 Sep 2018 21:18:00 -0400

Today, watching a fan while I was supposed to listening in math class, I figured out how servo motors work.

— Sullivan

Tue, 28 Aug 2018 13:35:00 -0400

My feelings aren’t the most articulate bunch of neuronal events.

— Scott

Mon, 13 Aug 2018 17:32:00 -0400

Éa [doing math]: Mom, is two minus six plus ten six?
Carla: Umm…wait a minute…
Éa: Also known as twelve minus six equals six.
Scott: Umm…wait…

Mon, 23 Jul 2018 08:33:00 -0400

Scott: Sometimes I wish I were the smaller one.
Carla: Why, so you could beat me up?

Sat, 14 Jul 2018 10:47:00 -0400

Carla, after a long evening trimming the hedges: Whew, that was a lot of work. Éa, when you grow up, do you want to be the man of the house?
Éa, matter of factly: I hope so.

Sat, 14 Jul 2018 10:44:00 -0400

Oh my gosh. Jesus.

— Carla

Wed, 11 Jul 2018 21:18:00 -0400

“It’s disturbing how many people bring knives on dates.”

— Sullivan, reflecting on romantic carvings in the wooden observatory deck on the Bog Trail at Black Moshannon

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:21:00 -0400

“I also have some lead. I want to mail it to my Aunt Joanna in California and see how she reacts.”

— Sullivan, showing off his elements collection

Wed, 16 May 2018 08:43:00 -0400

Sullivan: Mom, can you snuggle me?
Carla: I already snuggled you.
Sullivan: But that one didn’t take.

Sat, 12 May 2018 15:48:00 -0400

Mom, why is mama’s milk discontinued?

— Éa

Fri, 04 May 2018 17:06:00 -0400

“Emotional support feels terrible.”

— Carla

Fri, 06 Apr 2018 20:37:00 -0400

Don’t worry: The water on the floor is tears.

— Éa

Fri, 06 Apr 2018 20:32:00 -0400

Sullivan: Yeah, even Mimi’s inflatable balls are giant! [LAUGHTER] Put that on Familypants, Dad!
Scott: I’m not sure that I will…

Tue, 27 Mar 2018 22:09:00 -0400

If I’m ever going to become a successful scientist, I’m going to need less hair.

— Sullivan

Sat, 23 Dec 2017 22:24:00 -0400

upon seeing Neighbor Dave at his retirement party at The Tavern…

Scott: Do you know what retirement means?
Ea: Yeah! It means giving up.

Tue, 05 Dec 2017 22:23:00 -0400

[five minutes after bedtime lights out]
Sullivan: Mom?
Carla: Yes?! [long pause]
Sullivan: Why, when, or how did burritos originate?

Thu, 02 Nov 2017 11:59:00 -0400

Carla [complaining that her coffee tastes bad when she is sick]: You don’t know because you forget all negative experiences.
Scott: Actually, I don’t have any negative experiences.

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 22:32:00 -0400

After Sullivan switched from his ghost costume to wearing my peacoat for Halloween:

Neighbor: Who are you? Sullivan: I’m my dad.

Wed, 05 Apr 2017 16:36:00 -0400

Sullivan: Mom, come look at my parfait!
Carla: Oh, cute! It’s like a happy face.
Sullivan: Well, I was trying to make it look like a icosahedron.

“Gunplay”

Tue, 04 Apr 2017 08:15:00 -0400

Éa, shooting the cereal boxes with her finger, “Patchoo! Patchoo!” Carla remarks that her own gun sound when she was a little girl was equally un-gun sounding while the boys always seemed to have advanced sound machines in their repertoire. Éa responds that her gun shoots sneezes, not bullets. “Patchoo! Patchoo! That’s how it started the Cold War.”

Sat, 29 Oct 2016 08:41:00 -0400

[after Éa enters the room having found a book that had been lost for a year and half]

Carla: Oh, Éa, where did you find it?! Éa: It was where all the lost books are: in a responsible place! 📚

Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:41:00 -0400

What could be better than co-ambulation with your mother?

— Scott, suggesting to Carla that she join Sullivan on a midday walk

Sat, 03 Sep 2016 06:38:00 -0400

You’re more helpful than a rabid dog!

— Sullivan, thanking a friend who was helping clean up

Mon, 29 Aug 2016 17:26:00 -0400

Éa: I really like Country Inn & Suits [sic].
Scott: Oh, what do you like about it?
Éa: It has pools. It has Mimi and Grandpa sometimes.

Sun, 26 Jun 2016 20:30:00 -0400

Even though my feet ache, I’m still gonna rock and shake!

— Éa, in the middle of a marathon of energetic dancing at Megan’s wedding

Sun, 26 Jun 2016 20:00:00 -0400

I feel better dancing when I’m on a precarious rock wall.

— Sullivan, explaining why he was dancing all by himself on a rock wall outside the tent at Megan’s wedding

Sun, 26 Jun 2016 00:00:00 -0400

One thing that pleases me—well, two: First, Mommy and Daddy snuggles. And second, rock dust on my hands.

— Sullivan

Sat, 02 Apr 2016 08:18:00 -0400

I’m ashamed to say this for my gender, but men sweat 40% more than women.

— Sullivan, responding to Lucy after she pointed out a sweaty jogger while they both rode in the car to her house

Sun, 07 Feb 2016 13:49:00 -0400

Wait, you want me to dance self-consciously? Isn’t that a contradiction of terms?

— Scott

Fri, 27 Nov 2015 20:44:00 -0400

Scott: Are any of my accents good?
Éa: Well, I don’t like them, so I don’t know.

Tue, 13 Oct 2015 11:44:00 -0400

My favorite thing is to make that piano reveberate [sic] like an explosive bāss violin.

— Sullivan, pronouncing “bass” like the fish, explaining what he loves about playing his new instrument

Sun, 04 Oct 2015 22:33:00 -0400

No, no, no, your ridicule is quite powerful. I appreciate it, actually.

— Scott, to Carla

Fri, 04 Sep 2015 22:10:00 -0400

Scott: Oh, Carla, you don’t get cranky.
Carla: No, but I do get honest.

Fri, 31 Jul 2015 22:00:00 -0400

Hey, Mom, I don’t know what would be worse: getting punched on the back of your head and falling on your face, or getting punched in the face and falling on the back of your head.

— Sullivan, breaking several minutes of in-car silence at 10 PM on a road trip to Pittsburgh

Fri, 03 Jul 2015 08:03:00 -0400

Carla: What were you dreaming about, Sully?
Sullivan: Different metals that are essential to life.
Carla: Oh! What metals are essential to life?
Sullivan: Well, I wasn’t really dreaming about the names. I was dreaming about their colors and crystal habits.

Mon, 06 Apr 2015 18:01:00 -0400

**Donna: ** Sullivan’s mom would volunteer [in the library] for a Tuesday, but would need to bring Sullivan’s sister. Is that okay?
Mardi: Yep! If she’s anything like Sullivan, she could probably help out too!
Donna: We are a go!

Wed, 01 Apr 2015 22:01:00 -0400

Carla: Are you a thinker or a feeler?
Scott: Well, the facile response would be: duh, I’m a thinker. But I tend to think I’m actually a feeler who is articulate. Just not about feelings.

Wed, 01 Apr 2015 11:13:00 -0400

Scott: So, Sullivan what laws of physics do you know?
Sullivan: Newton’s laws of physics!
Éa: Nudists know all physics?

Sat, 14 Mar 2015 16:21:00 -0400

He’s such a dick! No offense, Scott.

— Carla, c. 2005, while watching The Last of the Mohicans, presumably referring to Magua

Wed, 11 Mar 2015 22:03:00 -0400

Sullivan: Was there a time when doctors recommended smoking?
Carla: Maybe somebody recommended it at some point, I don’t know.
Scott: Certainly not since the ’50s.
Sullivan: The ’50s haven’t even come yet, people!
Scott: We’re talking about the 1950s, Sullivan.

Sun, 08 Mar 2015 21:50:00 -0400

Your bellybutton looks a bit like Moshulu’s butt.

— Sullivan, comparing Scott’s navel to our calico’s anus

Wed, 04 Mar 2015 17:22:00 -0400

Scott [after Carla suffers a seemingly neverending sneeze attack]: What is your body trying to get rid of?
Carla [sniffling]: My face.

Mon, 23 Feb 2015 17:18:00 -0400

You know what Miss Leigh calls a picture? “Pitcher.” Picture. Pitcher. She’s a very complicated woman.

— Éa, on a quirk of her teacher’s pronunciation

Fri, 30 Jan 2015 17:38:00 -0400

Dad! In heaven, I bet that don’t have any rifles.

— Sullivan, without prompting, while being towed along through Spring Creek Park on a snow saucer

Mon, 13 Oct 2014 16:58:00 -0400

Carla: Sullivan, you have to take a shower. I don’t want to hear any more whining about it. Get in there.
Sullivan [walking away into the bathroom]: Aw, maaan! Fuck. Fuck fuck.
Carla: Sullivan, what did you just say?
Sullivan: Haha! I didn’t want to say “shucks” so I disguised it by saying “puck”—or no wait: “fuck.” Yeah, that was it.

Tue, 26 Aug 2014 21:19:00 -0400

Romance has been this sort of…odd side project for us.

— Scott, in a large campfire discussion at his tenth wedding anniversary party of how friendship is the basis of his and Carla’s relationship

Thu, 14 Aug 2014 08:22:00 -0400

“I’m as warm as a peacock!”

— Éa [context forgotten]

Tue, 29 Apr 2014 22:14:00 -0400

Scott: What would life be like without screens?
Carla: Buggy.
[pause]
Scott [slightly annoyed]: Could you just answer the question, please?
[pause]
Carla [gathering what he meant]: Well, we know what life would be like without screens. We didn’t have screens the first year of our marriage.
Scott: What did we DO?
Carla: We fought.

Fri, 14 Mar 2014 20:05:00 -0400

Carla: Are you ready for your [chickens] meeting tonight?
Scott: Yeah, it’s just a brainstorm and catch-up meeting.
Sullivan: Ketchup? Ketchup is for eggs. Ketchup? Ketchup is for eggs.

Thu, 06 Mar 2014 22:19:00 -0400

Scott [discussing trends in interior design] : Our culture…we highly prize…clean.
Carla: Yeah…it’s disgusting.

Wed, 05 Feb 2014 22:29:00 -0400

The wind and snow were whipping around my house like a SNOW-NADO!

— Sullivan in his weather journal for school

Sun, 02 Feb 2014 07:55:00 -0400

Mommy, I love music more than chocolate chips, more than cookies, and more than princesses and beautiful ponies.

— Éa on hearing Vanhal’s Double Bass Concerto in E flat major on WPSU in the car with Carla

Fri, 17 Jan 2014 22:11:00 -0400

Carla: He looks like the beggar at the Beautiful Gate.
Éa: Who?
Scott: One of the people Jesus healed. One of many.
Éa: Killed?
Scott: HEALED.
Carla: And THAT. is why I don’t want our children to read Bible stories yet.

Mon, 30 Dec 2013 21:41:00 -0400

Carla [upon delivery of Éa’s dessert at Sips Bistro]: Bon appétit!
Éa [correcting her]: Bon appé-YUM!

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 00:00:00 -0400

“Oh…

…I love cheetahs!”

— Éa, in an arrestingly genuine response to the animal-print pajamas Sullivan gave her for Christmas; she had left us because she paused about five seconds between the first and second parts, and her reply wasn’t accompanied by a smile

Mon, 14 Oct 2013 09:16:00 -0400

I do not use trash cans as places to store stuff any more.

— Scott, defending himself when challenged to report why the children’s not-yet-empty toothpaste was sitting in the garbage

Fri, 20 Sep 2013 17:51:00 -0400

Carla: Oh my God, living with you is like living in a legal document!
Scott: Oh my god, living with you is like living in oatmeal!

Sat, 07 Sep 2013 17:36:00 -0400

Scott: Éa, would you mind if I put on some tunes?
Éa: Yeah.
Scott [to clarify]: Should I put on some tunes?
Éa: Yeah.
Scott: Any objections anyone?
Éa: Tunes! But don’t put on any objections!

Mon, 26 Aug 2013 22:03:00 -0400

I want one of those ballet shirts with a butt and a labia.

— Éa, in reference to buying a leotard

Sun, 18 Aug 2013 18:02:00 -0400

Scott: Sullivan, I’ve been meaning to talk with you about your reading habits.
Sullivan: You’ll never stop me.

Mon, 29 Jul 2013 18:34:00 -0400

Éa: [making small talk] What’s your Stilson?
Lindsay: Pelz. [the correct answer]

Mon, 08 Jul 2013 18:06:00 -0400

Carla: [playfully flicks dishwater at Scott]
Scott: What did I do to deserve that?
Carla: You married me.

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 16:02:00 -0400

Hey, it was definitely hard, but I really enjoyed spending time with you this evening.

— Scott, to Carla

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:57:00 -0400

Carla: It’s 7:57.
Scott: What!? Already?
Carla: I know. Like, what the fUuuuuuUuuck? [moment of silence] Sometimes I say that just to assert my adulthood.

Fri, 10 May 2013 06:23:00 -0400

Daddy, no you don’t go to work! Éa and I go to work! [pause] Oh. Well, I guess if Éa and I were the one who went to work, we’d be poor.

— Sullivan, in a gradually self-aware attempt to keep Scott from going to work that day

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 15:53:00 -0400

The front cover of a birthday card Sullivan drew for Cassie’s birthday. Featuring a black-capped chickadee drawn from a photo.

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:13:00 -0400

Yeah, but I got two in a row.

— Sullivan, after losing at tic-tac-toe to Grandpa

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 08:05:00 -0400

Carla: Wow, it looks like it was cold last night.
Sullivan: Well, I was as warm as a bear slumbering in the basement.

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:53:00 -0400

If I were married to myself, I’d be divorced.

— Carla

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:50:00 -0400

Carla: I’ve gotta get in shape for the wedding.
Scott: Whoa. Weird. Normal woman-talk just came out of my wife’s mouth.

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:40:00 -0400

Once it got to more abstract levels, I got interested.

— Scott, causing laughter in Carla for reasons that shall remain unmentioned

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 15:20:00 -0400

Éa: Daddy, Daddy, I forgot something.
Scott: Oh, what?
Éa: I forget.

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 22:36:00 -0400

My daughter was over the other day when Scott pulled into your driveway with the kids. As Sullivan was getting out, she said, “Ma! That boy has no coat on!” I said, “You’re lucky he has shoes on.” Then Éa came out of the car…

— Neighbor Janet

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 22:56:00 -0400

Don’t forget to felt your scroll saw.

— Carla, pretending to be Scott prompting her to keep up with making a Christmas present

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 08:47:00 -0400

I tried Foursquare again last week. I’ve got to stop. I’m like a dog returning to its vomit.

— Scott

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 08:58:00 -0400

“I need a carrot.”

— Sullivan, reaching into the fridge to grab the bag of baby carrots after eating a sour gumball for the first time

Fri, 12 Oct 2012 08:03:00 -0400

While reading the Cheerios box, Sullivan stops and says, “Mom, what’s cancer?” Carla replies that it’s a sickness that kills a lot of people and that Cheerios is trying to raise money to help fund research to find a cure. In turn, Sullivan says, “Yeah, because pink doesn’t really work, right?” Confused, Carla asks, “What?” Sullivan replies slyly as if telling her something that only a few select people know, “Liiiike, people wear those pink shoes and gloves…but it doesn’t really cure their cancer.”

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 22:09:00 -0400

Carla [from the other room]: OK, it’s decided.
Scott: What’s that?
Carla: I don’t know.

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:07:00 -0400

“When you come back to life after death, it’s sort of like God pushed you out of His tummy.”

— Sullivan, unprompted

On ants fighting

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 06:25:00 -0400

as reported by Carla:

Just after sunset yesterday, I yelled for Scott to come see this neat swarm of tiny ants that I found in the driveway. We noticed one example of the stark difference in our kids’ personalities when Sullivan stood looking from a safe distance while Éa lay right on the blacktop inches from the mess of ants and poked at them with her fingers.

When I followed Éa in her boldness and looked up close myself, I noticed that these little ants weren’t after some food item as we had first assumed, but were actually fighting each other. I described what I had seen to the others, saying, “They’re fighting! It’s an all-out war! They’re in piles on top of each other and some are carrying away the dead.” Scott explained to the kids that this must be two distinct any colonies fighting for territory or something.

Then our kids displayed another fine example of their polar opposite personalities. Sullivan folded his hands and looked up to the sky with his happy bright blue eyes reflecting the clouds and prayed, “Dear God, please help these ants stop fighting each other.” Meanwhile, Ea moved even closer to the ants, with her brown eyes wide open and a big smile on her face, put her forehead right into the swarm and said with joy, ”Bonk heads!”

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 14:02:00 -0400

Scott: Carla, this is called invalidating my feelings. You’re not giving me any space to have this opinion.
Carla: Scott, you want to build a spice rack out of Legos.

editor’s note, 11/2/24: I still call this being resourceful.

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:03:00 -0400

“Daddy, do you have any seedlings left?”

— Sullivan, on if we can have more kids

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 06:19:00 -0400

“Man, it was dry in there.”

— Carla, on the The National Aquarium

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:30:00 -0400

“Well, I think he can get a pretty intense look on his face when he’s playing something like this, but I don’t think he ever looks like a pirate getting an enema.”

— Scott describing Carla’s imitation of Itzhak Perlman playing the finale of Erich Korngold’s Violin Concerto in D. (Go ahead. Picture it.)

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 21:37:00 -0400

“How you say Thanksgiving in French is … ‘Franksgiving.’”

— Sullivan, giving his parents language lessons in the car on our way downtown

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:09:00 -0400

“But Dad, what is God? What is he? Is he just a big huge blump of air?”

— Sullivan, overhearing Carla and me talk about God’s kingdom

Sullivan's first dream report

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:08:00 -0400

“Mommy and Dada, the other night, when I was asleep, my eyes went ploop! (with hand motions indicating quickly opening eyes) and I looked into my pillow and I saw gray telephone wires. And then I saw a big gray pipe with a gray whistle on the top. When the whistle blew, it was telling us that water was going to come shooting out of the pipe. All that was in my pillow! My PILLOW!”

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:42:00 -0400

“Excuse me, Daddy. God didn’t make this dinner. Mommy did! So, thank you, Mommy, for making this good dinner.”

— Sullivan, after Scott says grace

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:52:00 -0400

“Sorry, Éa, for peeing in your pants.”

— Sullivan, after peeing in his sister’s pants

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 07:24:00 -0400

“You’re so understanding it’s driving me crazy!”

— Scott, of Carla

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 06:36:00 -0400

Carla: Why were you acting so weird?
Scott: What do you mean? I wasn’t acting weird: I was being MYSELF!

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 18:38:00 -0400

“What is it with you thinking that I’m a snot-o-phage? I am not a snot-o-phage.”

— Scott, defending himself against nose-related insinuations

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 14:32:00 -0400

“Why would we compost them when I can convert them directly into biochemical energy?”

— Scott, answering Carla as to why he was going to eat a bag of freezer-burnt pierogies that Abram left us when he moved out

Mon, 04 Jul 2011 21:00:00 -0400

“I think fireworks say ‘knock-knock’ to the world.

— Sullivan on the 4th of July

Sun, 15 May 2011 14:09:00 -0400

“I have misgivings about doing anything, because it means I’m not doing everything else.”

— Scott, in the middle of preparing stuff for bulk trash pick-up

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 08:37:00 -0400

“DUCKS!! Hey you, take a picture of the ducks!”

— Sullivan, to one of the photographers during a photoshoot at a public park for Abe & Nina’s wedding

Sat, 16 Apr 2011 19:42:00 -0400

“The mama butterflies will come and bring their babies to stick them into my ear to eat pollen so they can turn into a flower with wings so they can fly!”

— Sullivan’s interpretation of earwax

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 18:58:00 -0400

“No, Sullivan, we’re not going to feed Éa a mouse.”

— Scott, context forgotten

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 11:09:00 -0400

I can’t take a nap, Dad. I’m allergic to naps.

— Sullivan

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 09:38:00 -0400

Meet “Muffler,” a robot Sullivan painted on our living room wall (with Mommy’s permission).

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 22:31:00 -0400

“I need to bring the flashlight outside… because there are some dark spots.”

— Sullivan, getting ready to go to Spring Creek Park during daylight hours

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 16:02:00 -0400

Scott: What did you say? I’m sure it was something very important and full of insight.
Carla: I think I just ate some soapy paint-water.

Sat, 05 Feb 2011 20:28:00 -0400

Sullivan (sheet music in hand): Mama, can you read this?
Carla: No, honey, it’s music. It’s not words.
Sullivan: Oh, well, can you sing it?
Carla: No, it’s piano music.
Sullivan: Well, WE have pirnano!
Carla: But I don’t know how to play the piano.
Sullivan: I know how to play the pirnano: You just press the keys! That’s how you do it!

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 07:42:00 -0400

“I feel the sound of the solar panels inject’ning light into our house.”

— Sullivan, out of the blue

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 23:04:00 -0400

Hey, no meta-chuckles.

— Scott to Carla

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 09:29:00 -0400

“And if her fingernails freeze, they will explode and float all over in the wind of the cold morning.”

— Sullivan, after Carla told him we were pulling over while driving so that she could cover Éa’s fingers because they were cold

Wed, 12 Jan 2011 21:00:00 -0400

“Yo! Ho ho! And a bottle of yo!”

— Sullivan, missing ITLAPD by four months and some liquor—also baffling his parents as to when he found time to read Robert Louis Stevenson.

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 21:56:00 -0400

Sullivan: I’m a postman.
Scott: Well, hello, Mr. Postman!
Sullivan: Daddy, I’m just pretending.
Scott: Well, hello, Mr. Pretend Postman. What are you doing?
Sullivan: I’m delivering mail.
Scott: Well, what are you delivering, Mr. Pretend Postman?
Sullivan: I’m just pretending to deliver.
Scott: Well, what are you pretending to deliver, Mr. Pretend Postman?
Sullivan: I’m delivering a television.
Scott: Oh! To whom are you pretending to deliver a pretend television, Mr. Pretend Postman?
Sullivan: Dadda, I have to tell you something: It’s not a pretend television. It’s real television.

Fri, 31 Dec 2010 21:47:00 -0400

Daddy, I want to decorate the whole, whole, whole EARTH. 🎉

— Sullivan, after walking through downtown State College on New Year’s Eve with me

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 08:57:00 -0400

Sullivan: I forgot my sunglasses. We need to go home to get my sunglasses.
Scott: Why do you need your sunglasses, Sullivan?
Sullivan: Because the sun is a big, hot, round FIREBALL.

Sun, 21 Nov 2010 15:22:00 -0400

One of these photos is of Éa at four days old. The other is of Sullivan at three weeks old. Which one is which?

Sat, 20 Nov 2010 22:14:00 -0400

Scott: Where can we find top shelf bourbon?
Carla: Maybe you could ask for it on FreeCycle? “If anybody’s looking to get rid of their top-shelf bourbon…”
Scott: I’m pretty sure people have other ways to get rid of their top-shelf bourbon…

Sat, 20 Nov 2010 21:57:00 -0400

Sullivan: What’s Mama doing?
Scott: What do you think she is doing?
Sullivan: She is wiping that hanger thinger linger.
Scott: Well, that’s a very good name for it. But most people call it a curtain rod.
Sullivan: Yes…but I’d prefer to call it a hanger thinger linger. OR…a hanger wanger sanger.

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 16:21:00 -0400

What do you do with your excess weatherstrip?

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 10:03:00 -0400

[while listening to “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley]
Sullivan: What are “every little things”?
Carla: Just everything. Everything’s gonna be alright.
Sullivan: God. ‘Cos he makes badness into…into…love-ness. He’s a nice guy.

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 10:17:00 -0400

It is kind of scrapey on your tongue. It is hard. It is hard to lick. It is round. In a ball. What is in it? It has a lot of sugar. You [c]an spin it. You can lick with two sides. It has a lot of juice in it also.

— Sullivan, describing his first lollipop

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 11:54:00 -0400

The scary part wiggled your head a little.

— Sullivan, after having watched portions of How to Train Your Dragon at a family friend’s house 🍿

Fri, 15 Oct 2010 07:32:00 -0400

[several days after Jami’s visit:]

Scott: Does Mama drive like a pinball?
Sullivan: Yeah, Mama drive data pinball into the back of Bam-Bam’s car yesterday!
Scott: Well, it wasn’t yesterday, but good job; you got the right half of eternity, at least.

Sat, 18 Sep 2010 14:01:00 -0400

Carla: Sully, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Sullivan: A man.

Sat, 11 Sep 2010 12:56:00 -0400

Carla: How do you always know what I’m going to say? Am I predictable?
Scott: No, you’re my wife. You’re only predictable to me. To everyone else, you’re a complete mystery.

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 08:39:00 -0400

Scott: Wow, so we’ve started our seventh year married.
Carla: Uh oh. We’re gonna get the seven-year itch!
Scott: Not me. I’m not itchy.
Carla: Ya, I’m starting to kinda get attracted to you, actually.

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 21:56:00 -0400

I’m orderin’ whatever the heck I want next time I go to a bar, and it’s probably going to be water because they don’t serve milk or juice there.

— Scott to Carla, arms akimbo and very serious, after getting home from a mini bar tour (and one lager) with new friends 🍺

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:51:00 -0400

The sun woke up over Mount Nittany.

— Sullivan on a morning walk to the park

Lucky kid

Sat, 21 Aug 2010 08:06:00 -0400

as reported by Carla:

We just got back from our summer ultimate league finals and picnic. While enjoying our hoagies amongst our fellow ultimate lovers, I notice Sully is yelling something at the top of his lungs…on loop. I ask him if he wants a bite of sandwich (hoping to stuff his mouth) and he comes up to me, hands me a crumpled piece of grass and walks away saying casually, “There’s a four-leaf clover, Mama.” I look at the piece of grass, and sure enough, it was a clover. I look further and one, two, three, four. It was a four-leafed clover. Suspecting someone may have given it to him, I ask as he’s walking back down the hill, “Where did you get this?” He replies unexcitedly pointing around at the ground, “ummm…. riiiiight…. there” and walks away munching his sandwich.

After sharing his discovery with Scott and our nearest conversation partners, one of them realizes that what Sully was chanting earlier was, “Found it, found it, found it.” Ah, the faith of a child.

Oh, and who told him about four-leaf clovers?

Sat, 21 Aug 2010 08:04:00 -0400

as recorded by Carla:

Scott put on one of our favorite classical pieces, The Lark Ascending, this evening. I introduced Éa to it by telling her, “This is The Lark Ascending by, um…Van Williams I think?”

Then, without a hesitation, I asked Sully, who was diligently working on a puzzle on the floor, “Sully, who wrote this piece? It’s The Lark Ascending by ____…”?

He took a moment, still concentrating on his oversized puzzle, and then replied in his classic matter-of-fact manner, “Hmmm…Boathoven.”

He was wrong, but it was cute as heck… 🎵

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:49:00 -0400

[I] want to watch the clouds fly to their beds!

— Sullivan, in smiling protest to heading inside for bed

While discussing the sentence “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:48:00 -0400

Dave: I didn’t realize buffalo was a verb.
Carla: Yeah, it means to bully.
Dave: Yes, I gathered that from the context.

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:56:00 -0400

Sorry! I got into my whistling.

— Scott, as we swerve off and back onto the road

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:01:00 -0400

Scott: No! You gave them expectations that I have to live up to!
Carla: Scott, I just spoke positively about you!