To put it roughly, church today obliterated the misapplication of Matthew 24:14, so continually argued by John Piper, the Perspectives course I took at the Teen Mania Honor Academy, and really, every missiologist I’ve ever encountered, that we all must be involved in world evangelization in some way or else we are less-than Christians. That if the idea that if Matthew 24:14 doesn’t move me to proactively involved myself missions, then I don’t actually love Jesus’ coming or love God with all my heart, mind, soul & strength.
The removal of this thorn in my devotional side is a big deal: As Matt and I discussed during our walk on Friday, neither of us has ever been able to completely shake the idea that we are falling short because we haven’t yet made an extraordinary, life-altering, self-sacrificial decision for the sake of others’ God-borne happiness. I think I have finally shrugged if off.
In its place, the idea is that I can be the “sort of people [I] ought…to be in holy conduct and godliness, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God” (2 Peter 3:11) at all times, doing it-doesn’t-matter-what so long as it can be done in love (1 Corinthians 16:14). And I take face-value definitions for “holy” and “godly”: setting side one’s life for God and being very God-minded.
Now, despite my new sense of liberty in Christ, I will nevertheless remain wary of my good fortune. As it occurred to me at Your table today:
Yes, Lord, I will enjoy these riches,
But of them be very suspicious.
May we never be deceived by wealth, entangled by the concerns of the world, or lured by desires for other things. May we always stand ready for the call to “go forth from [our] country, and from [our] relatives, and from [our] father’s house, to the land which [You] will show [us]” (Genesis 12:1).
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence (Psalm 42:5).
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life (Proverbs 4:23).
The hearts of the sons of men are full of evil and insanity is in their hearts throughout their lives (Ecclesiastes 9:3).
Rejoice, young man, during your childhood, and let your heart be pleasant during the days of young manhood. And follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes. Yet know that God will bring you to judgment for all these things (Ecclesiastes 11:9).
The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick (Jeremiah 17:9).
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37).
For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries… (Mark 7:21).
Do not let your heart be troubled… (John 14:1).
From these Scriptures and more, I refine my understanding of the human (i.e., my) heart: It’s like a little kid. Irrational. Impressionable. Often rash. Full of vim and desire, you give it what it wants because your vitality and happiness depend on it. But you don’t give it what it wants when what it wants dishonors God, hurts other people, or lends itself to longer-term unhappiness. And you do what you can to shape its desires to conform to your own values, having patience but firmness about good priorities.
“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded” (John 13:3-5).
Since we know that You have given us all things into our hands via Jesus, and that we have come forth from You and are going back to you, may we get up from our suppers, lay aside our garments, and start washing feet.
— Éa, at the end of a bedtime conversation that started, “When you die, do you stop moving?” and included “I don’t want to die,” brief tears, and a “Don’t worry, Darling. We all die, but Jesus will bring us back to life again.” Carla pointed out that Éa will probably take that to mean that we “bounce back” to life immediately after dying. This was a terrifying conversation to have, because I don’t want to glib, but I don’t want to talk over her head, but I don’t want to mince the truth. God, You gave this girl to us. Help!
In other news, Carla won a seat on College Township Council today.
Carla suggested it would be a good idea to write down the reasoning behind my decision to about-face and work for DiamondBack full-time forever.
In brief: Working for West Arête a little bit enabled me to see that I’ve been the victim of a bad case of grass-is-greener syndrome for years. I’ve decided to go back to working full-time for DiamondBack, with no plans to seek alternative employment in the foreseeable future.
Less brief: God, You helped me dispel the myth of the golden-haired woman in my own life sometime in between when I broke things off with Val and when I started dating Carla. But we never applied the same metaphor to my career: I’ve been believing the myth of the golden-haired job probably since my time at Teen Mania. (What Color Is Your Parachute? probably didn’t help.)
“Everything about working for DiamondBack is great, except for the fact that it’s truck bed covers.” I’ve been saying that for two years now. I ignored the first clause, however, and concentrated entirely on the second. Why? Because I believed that there was such a thing as the perfect, soul-satisfying job right out of the box somewhere. If I picked a job that employed the transferable skills I most enjoyed in a field that excited me, I’d be set. I would have made a perfect choice. I’d be right and happy.
I was convinced that working for DiamondBack would predetermine that I suffer a bad midlife crisis in twenty years, so in typical overcommunicative fashion I overplayed the value of several positives of working for West Arête:
Doing more web development
Learning new skills
Working downtown (i.e., access to cultural events, connections to new people, feeling cool)
Riding my bike to work
Working with local people for local people
No vacation days but unlimited freedom to take off as needed
Better health coverage
Cultural fit (i.e., environmentalism, priority on work-life balance, bicycles, local business)
And I underplayed many of the positives of working for DiamondBack:
Presenting the right balance of mastery and challenge
Working from home:
enjoyment of kids,
enjoyment of Carla,
leisurely pace,
no clothes overhead,
autonomy,
freedom to break for prayer or whatever
Plenty of allotted vacation days
Working for Ethan & Brandon
Working with people I’ve grown to love
Cultural fit (i.e., Christianity, priority on work-life balance)
Much higher salary
Freedom to move to Quebec
Being a known quantity I’ve already taken fully into account in shaping my life and therefore not having to think about it at all
Looking at the lists above and now having a lucid idea of who I am, it’s obvious which job is the better fit.
The crucial missing ingredient in my career at DiamondBack wasn’t money, local connections, or even the opportunity to do web development. It was commitment. Had I been devoted to my job at DiamondBack, I would’ve said to Brandon last spring, “No, I’m sorry, I can’t accept you taking development completely out of my hands. But I love DiamondBack. So can we please find a way to make this work?”
“I love watching your heart and your head duke it out,” said Barb at church on Sunday when I brought this up, sometimes in tears. Deciding to return to DiamondBack feels different from deciding to depart for West Arête. I sure hope I can discern the difference between my heart and my head next time anything like this comes up again.
New habit to form: Any time I’m tempted to think or express a grumble, I will deny the thought but use it as a prompt to thank God or people for something.
My decisions on what (single) project to undertake next should always come down to where my proclivities, desires, joys, happiness, what enjoy doing and can get happily lost in doing meets up with the supreme joy of others and the pleasure of God.
Give to those who ask of you doesn’t apply merely to money. It also applies to time, and it’s a fine guiding principle to those who ask to hang out with me.
That’s the first time I’ve gone without a meal in years. First of all, thank you, God, for Your plentiful provision. Second, whew, I’m a little light-headed.
How do you decide between living an ordinary life extraordinarily (i.e., what I’m attempting with my status quo) and making extraordinary choices that lead to living in extraordinary circumstances (e.g., moving to Fishtown). The latter calls, but very indistinctly.
[while listening to“Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley] Sullivan: What are “every little things”? Carla: Just everything. Everything’s gonna be alright. Sullivan: God. ‘Cos he makes badness into…into…love-ness. He’s a nice guy.
One of several times I’ve imagined myself confronting Perry Babb:
“I have to be honest with you, Perry: I don’t think you’re an apostle, and until you’re willing to discuss the possibility that I’m right, chit-chatting seems a little disingenuous.”